Connect with us

Relationships

Couples who kiss regularly are less likely to get depressed – Relationship expert

Published

on

When it comes to first kisses, scientists agree with those who believe in love at first sight, happy endings and the power of that first glorious embrace.

That’s because, scientists say, a kiss is much more than just a way of saying you fancy someone. It’s an efficient means of working out if your potential partner is the one for you.

In her book: The Science of Kissing, Sheril Kirshenbaum explains: “When we are that close to another person, all our senses are engaged allowing our bodies to assess compatibility and the potential for a long-term relationship.” This behaviour, she says, evolved to help humans fulfill three basic needs – sex drive, romantic love and attachment. “In other words,” she says, “kissing helps us find partners, commit to one person and keep couples together long enough to have a child.”

So how does locking lips help us achieve all these? When you kiss, you can’t help smelling the other person. And biologists have found that women are more turned on by the smell of men who have very different immune systems, from their own.

Kirshenbaum says: “This may be because potential children would have a higher level of genetic diversity, making them healthier and more likely to survive. In this manner, kissing serves as nature’s ultimate litmus test to help us determine when to pursue a relationship.”

And once we find our perfect genetic mate, our bodies respond instinctively to his kiss by flooding our systems with feel-good hormones. She explains that: “A good romantic kiss quicken our pulse and dilates our pupils, which is probably part of the reason so many of us close our eyes. Our brains receive more oxygen than normal and breathing can become irregular and deepen. Our cheeks flush too but that’s only the beginning. There’s an associated rise in the neurotransmitter dopamine, responsible for craving and desire.

“Meanwhile, serotonin spikes to stimulate obsessive thoughts about a partner. This is the same neurotransmitter involved in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OeD), Oxytocin, popularly called the love hormone, is involved in bonding, fostering a sense of attachment. This is the chemical likely responsible for maintaining a love relationship over years and decades.”

We should not underestimate the importance of these chemicals. After all, how many of us have left the cinemas after a dull romantic comedy and pointed out the ‘lack of chemistry’ between the couple who are supposed to be mad about each other? Or dreamt about how it would feel to kiss someone we have fantasised about for months – then been disappointed by the reality? For while that first kiss can be powerful enough to spark a lifelong romance, it can also break the spell.

A study of more than 1,000 students by the evolutionary psychologist George Gallup found that two-thirds of women and over half of men had been attracted to a potential partner – until they shared a disastrous first kiss. His team also found that men and women used kissing for different reasons. While the men mostly saw kissing as just a necessary step on the way to eventually having sex, women thought it was much more important. More men than women said they preferred kissing their partners with pen mouths and using their tongues. And there’s even a good reason for that. Male saliva contains testosterone so it could affect how attractive the kissers find each other. Some scientists believe that men prefer sloppy kisses because they’re a way of working out how fertile a woman is – by ‘testing’ her saliva for tiny traces of oestrogen.

So when your kids scoff at your memories of that first magical kiss, tell them that without kissing, they might not have been here today. And make sure you don’t get out of the habit once your romance settles down. Research shows that couples who kiss regularly are less likely to get depressed, and those who kiss each other hello and goodbye have happier relationships than those who no longer do this.

How To Tell If Your Marriage Would Last

Are you and your spouse destined to be together forever? You don’t need a crystal ball. Just answer these five questions set by experts, honestly … Can you let things drop? Doesn’t it grate on you that he met his ex for lunch (a year ago)? Is he still harping on about how you forgot your anniversary once?

Both of you need to be generous enough to put it behind you and move on. Everyone has got a past: we all mess up sometimes. Can you enjoy doing nothing together? If you can quite happily lounge around together, just enjoying the sound of silence, you work well as a couple. Do you fight right? If he’s a sulker and you’re a shouter. You could find it tricky to get to the bottom of an argument. So think about how you hammer things out and remember it is not about winning or losing – you both want the same thing.

Can you stop trying to change each other? We all try to fine-tune our partners a bit, but if you’re always offering to fix things for him, you will end up disappointed. You need to learn to accept the way your partner is or find someone you don’t need to fix!

Can you share your secrets? If you’ve opened up to him about your deepest, darkest moments but he is reluctant to talk, then you may need to think twice. It is by being open that we achieve intimacy.

Relationships

Lawyer’s absence stalls hearing of Yul Edochie, May’s divorce case

Published

on

By

Yul Edochie, the Nollywood actor, and May, his estranged wife, have experienced another setback in their divorce case.

Edochie has been in the news for controversial reasons since he unveiled Judy Austin as his second wife in April 2022.

He also announced their first child together — to the displeasure of May, his first wife.

In August 2023, May filed for divorce from Yul and demanded N100 million in damages from Judy “for adultery with her husband”.

The case was initially delayed at the high court in Abuja in March. DPA Family Clinic, May’s legal representatives, also claimed that Yul had denied getting married to Judy.

But in a recent statement via Facebook, May’s lawyers said the case, scheduled for Tuesday, was adjourned again because Yul’s lawyer was absent due to health issues.

“Trial could not go ahead today as scheduled because two days ago, He proposed several dates in the future as an alternative and requested the court to pardon him,” the statement reads.

“Usually, the court would give the lawyer the benefit of the doubt in such a situation. May’s lawyers would not like to question the integrity of the opponent directly, even though the excuse was a tendentious occurrence.

“Today in court Mr Yul Edochie was present but without his counsel. The court could not hear any substantive matter. A new date had been set in June. We are all concerned about delays and protection of this case.

“But we remain confident that justice will be done in due course by this court. As you know, several issues are involved: from the activities of the parties in social media to the welfare of the children, to the issues of marital properties, the safety of May, and the final status of the marriage itself.”

Continue Reading

Relationships

Here are 4 reasons men and women communicate differently — these can cause problems

Published

on

By

It seems that we already know everything about ourselves: how women and men think and speak.

But why then are there still so many misunderstandings, grudges and quarrels in our relationships? Or maybe we know but we don’t apply it?

While men focus more on action, women experience everything more emotionally. Some even say that women “think with their hearts.”

How are these two different worlds supposed to communicate now?

A woman should remember that if she does not tell her husband directly about her needs, emotions or expectations, he will not guess them himself. What would be obvious to another woman will not be obvious to your husband. It’s a waste of time.

The common belief that if he really loves me, it means that he knows me well and therefore should know what my desires or fears are, or what I feel at a given moment, is not true. Unfortunately, we have to tell him this.

You can even take on the noble task of teaching your husband about your emotions. But it takes time, patience and pedagogical skills. Otherwise, grievances and complaints arise, and the already tense relationship becomes even more difficult.

Let’s assume that our husband simply doesn’t understand our messages, and not that he has bad intentions and does – or doesn’t do – something on purpose. Besides, assuming good intentions of the other party in every relationship helps.

2. A woman wants to be heard

In turn, a woman has a need to talk about her feelings (emotive function of communication). Then she expects the man to listen calmly, empathise and show compassion.

This is a difficult art for male nature, but everything can be learned. If the husband does not satisfy this need, the wife will find, for example, a friend or another man – a confidant, and then this may mean the beginning of the end of the relationship.

A wife has the right to expect her husband to be interested and concerned about her affairs, as is the husband in his affairs. It is important for your husband to really learn to listen and not just pretend to listen.

When talking about their affairs, women devote a lot of space to feelings, and men focus mainly on facts (the information function of communication dominates). A woman needs understanding, support, taking care of her feelings, and not at all explaining that her behaviour is not logical, asking about the reasons for crying and proposing a solution – how to best deal with a given problem (and the proposal will be from a man’s point of view anyway, which cannot necessarily be used by a woman at all).

Then the husband cannot be surprised when his wife accuses him of “You don’t understand anything!”

Women, from their point of view, sometimes feel unreconciled with the fact that their husband does not tell everything. They suffer because of this, sometimes they even think that their husband has something to hide, they look for reasons that do not exist and torment themselves about it.

And a man simply does not have as much of a need to “extend himself” as a wife. There is no need to talk about everything and share everything with your wife. Especially when he has problems, he prefers to deal with them himself and wants to spare his wife unnecessary stress. But the wife may interpret such behavioUr incorrectly.

We seem to know all this, but what if we always remember it?

Continue Reading

Relationships

US actors Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez face new marital challenge

Published

on

By

American filmmaker Ben Affleck and his wife, actress Jennifer Lopez are facing a new challenge in their marital life as their ‘honeymoon’ phase is over.

According to Life & Style magazine, the celebrity couple has been dealing with long-distance issues as they are living separately due to their work commitments.

The report revealed that Affleck has been busy filming ‘The Accountant’ sequel in Los Angeles, whereas, the ‘Ain’t Your Mama’ singer is working on her projects in New York City.

A source said, “This is the first long stretch they’ve spent apart in a while. And they’re both dealing with it in different ways.”

In another report, an insider claimed that Jennifer Lopez has not been able to cope with navigating her life without Affleck.

The source shared that the actress and singer “wants constant affirmation from her husband that she’s loved and adored.”

However, Lopez is “not getting much of that now and Ben gets defensive and moody.”

“The honeymoon is definitely over. The feeling is if they want to stay married, they both need to make some adjustments in their behaviour,” an insider stated.

Jennifer Lopez and Affleck got engaged in the early 2000’s before calling it quits a few years later.

They got back in 2021, and married a year later, and both have been showing commitment to their marital vows.

Continue Reading

Bodex F. Hungbo, SPMIIM is a multiple award-winning Nigerian Digital Media Practitioner, Digital Strategist, PR consultant, Brand and Event Expert, Tv Presenter, Tier-A Blogger/Influencer, and a top cobbler in Nigeria.

She has widespread experiences across different professions and skills, which includes experiences in; Marketing, Media, Broadcasting, Brand and Event Management, Administration and Management with prior stints at MTN, NAPIMS-NNPC, GLOBAL FLEET OIL AND GAS, LTV, Silverbird and a host of others

Most Read...