Relationships
Couples who kiss regularly are less likely to get depressed – Relationship expert
When it comes to first kisses, scientists agree with those who believe in love at first sight, happy endings and the power of that first glorious embrace.
That’s because, scientists say, a kiss is much more than just a way of saying you fancy someone. It’s an efficient means of working out if your potential partner is the one for you.
In her book: The Science of Kissing, Sheril Kirshenbaum explains: “When we are that close to another person, all our senses are engaged allowing our bodies to assess compatibility and the potential for a long-term relationship.” This behaviour, she says, evolved to help humans fulfill three basic needs – sex drive, romantic love and attachment. “In other words,” she says, “kissing helps us find partners, commit to one person and keep couples together long enough to have a child.”
So how does locking lips help us achieve all these? When you kiss, you can’t help smelling the other person. And biologists have found that women are more turned on by the smell of men who have very different immune systems, from their own.
Kirshenbaum says: “This may be because potential children would have a higher level of genetic diversity, making them healthier and more likely to survive. In this manner, kissing serves as nature’s ultimate litmus test to help us determine when to pursue a relationship.”
And once we find our perfect genetic mate, our bodies respond instinctively to his kiss by flooding our systems with feel-good hormones. She explains that: “A good romantic kiss quicken our pulse and dilates our pupils, which is probably part of the reason so many of us close our eyes. Our brains receive more oxygen than normal and breathing can become irregular and deepen. Our cheeks flush too but that’s only the beginning. There’s an associated rise in the neurotransmitter dopamine, responsible for craving and desire.
“Meanwhile, serotonin spikes to stimulate obsessive thoughts about a partner. This is the same neurotransmitter involved in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OeD), Oxytocin, popularly called the love hormone, is involved in bonding, fostering a sense of attachment. This is the chemical likely responsible for maintaining a love relationship over years and decades.”
We should not underestimate the importance of these chemicals. After all, how many of us have left the cinemas after a dull romantic comedy and pointed out the ‘lack of chemistry’ between the couple who are supposed to be mad about each other? Or dreamt about how it would feel to kiss someone we have fantasised about for months – then been disappointed by the reality? For while that first kiss can be powerful enough to spark a lifelong romance, it can also break the spell.
A study of more than 1,000 students by the evolutionary psychologist George Gallup found that two-thirds of women and over half of men had been attracted to a potential partner – until they shared a disastrous first kiss. His team also found that men and women used kissing for different reasons. While the men mostly saw kissing as just a necessary step on the way to eventually having sex, women thought it was much more important. More men than women said they preferred kissing their partners with pen mouths and using their tongues. And there’s even a good reason for that. Male saliva contains testosterone so it could affect how attractive the kissers find each other. Some scientists believe that men prefer sloppy kisses because they’re a way of working out how fertile a woman is – by ‘testing’ her saliva for tiny traces of oestrogen.
So when your kids scoff at your memories of that first magical kiss, tell them that without kissing, they might not have been here today. And make sure you don’t get out of the habit once your romance settles down. Research shows that couples who kiss regularly are less likely to get depressed, and those who kiss each other hello and goodbye have happier relationships than those who no longer do this.
How To Tell If Your Marriage Would Last
Are you and your spouse destined to be together forever? You don’t need a crystal ball. Just answer these five questions set by experts, honestly … Can you let things drop? Doesn’t it grate on you that he met his ex for lunch (a year ago)? Is he still harping on about how you forgot your anniversary once?
Both of you need to be generous enough to put it behind you and move on. Everyone has got a past: we all mess up sometimes. Can you enjoy doing nothing together? If you can quite happily lounge around together, just enjoying the sound of silence, you work well as a couple. Do you fight right? If he’s a sulker and you’re a shouter. You could find it tricky to get to the bottom of an argument. So think about how you hammer things out and remember it is not about winning or losing – you both want the same thing.
Can you stop trying to change each other? We all try to fine-tune our partners a bit, but if you’re always offering to fix things for him, you will end up disappointed. You need to learn to accept the way your partner is or find someone you don’t need to fix!
Can you share your secrets? If you’ve opened up to him about your deepest, darkest moments but he is reluctant to talk, then you may need to think twice. It is by being open that we achieve intimacy.
Relationships
Olajumoke Onibread narrates how ex-husband assaulted and ruined her career
Olajumoke Orisaguna, the Nigerian model famously known as Olajumoke Onibread, has recounted her harrowing experience with domestic abuse.
Olajumoke rose to fame in 2016 after accidentally walking into a photo shoot with British rapper Tinie Tempah, captured by TY Bello. However, she disappeared from the public eye, leaving many wondering about her whereabouts.
In a recent interview with City FM, Olajumoke alleged that she endured a toxic relationship with her ex-husband Sunday Orisaguna.
She said they lived in Ire, Osun state before she relocated to Lagos. The model described the environment at their Ire home as “hostile”, citing her mother-in-law’s “mistreatment” and Sunday’s “physical abuse”.
She said after relocating to Lagos, she started hawking bread before crossing paths with TY Bello. She said Sunday, however, joined her in Lagos, and the alleged abuse continued.
Olajumoke said she felt ashamed to deny claims of marriage due to their two children. She claimed that her career suffered after their separation, alleging that Sunday maligned her reputation and that of her supporters.
“The time we were in Ire, we stayed in my husband’s family house and there is no way you stay in that kind of place that you would not encounter problems. My mother-in-law was very hostile towards me and I would have to close my hairdressing shop on time just so I could go make dinner at home,” she said.
“And it was whatever she told her son is what he listens to. He would not even listen to my own side of the story before he started beating me up. Whenever me and his mother had misunderstandings, he would not even listen to me before hitting me. He would beat me to the extent that my face and body would be swollen. Sometimes he would even make use of a belt. That was when we were in Ire, Osun state.
“I would hide what was happening because I did not want my mom to hear. She also lived within the same vicinity as us. Before when I go and report to her, she’ll say she did not give me out in marriage to anyone. Even my mum’s younger sister was against me marrying him, as she had lived longer in Ire than me, so she knew what she was saying. But when the pregnancy issue happened, there was nothing anyone could do.
“So my mum will tell me she did not bless any marriage and she cannot also ask me to leave there, so she did not involve herself in the issue. When he beat me, I would not be able to wear short-sleeved clothes, but long-sleeved dresses. I did not tell anyone, only those who lived with us in the house knew about it. Fast forward to January 2016 when I wanted to move to Lagos, we were frying akara for his dad’s remembrance when I had an issue with his elder sister.
“As usual, he beat me up and I decided that I was going to leave, move to Lagos, and start working at the bakery because I had been there before. The third day after that incident, I packed my load and brought my two children with me to Lagos because I could not leave them there. Getting to the bakery, I had to explain to my friend what happened and she was happy that I had finally left because she was part of the people that warned me about him.
“What I am saying now, I have never said it out before. Even when I met TY Bello and I told her that I had a husband, my friend was furious when she found out. She was like I do not have sense, why would I say someone who beats me is my husband? I had to explain that I had to say that because I have children. That was how he came to Lagos. Even in the house that was rented for me in Surulere, he would still beat me up.
“I did not even tell TY Bello what was going on. I could not even admit that we were not married. I am a very gentle person so I did not tell anyone what was going on, I was enduring all of it. Sometimes when he goes out to drink, because he is someone to have a good time, when he gets back and a minor misunderstanding happens, he would start beating me again. It is almost four years since we separated.
“While he was beating me, he did not have a job. I was the one who would go out to hustle for us because I did not want my children to suffer. He would just stay at home and sleep or go out to drink. I did not even disturb him from doing these things, I just wanted him to stop beating me. Then he also started monitoring me when I went to work. If I go for photoshoots, sometimes I come back very late. He would accuse me of sleeping around with other men.
“So I decided to finally leave him. It got so bad that he would even start insulting my parents. It was when I separated from him, that was when everything started going down the drain because he started spoiling my name. All those who had helped me then, he started saying bad things against them. Since then, things started going down.”
Olajumoke has returned to the spotlight as a radio presenter with her talk show ‘Kilon Shele’.
She disclosed that her radio show will focus on her personal story, including her experiences with exploitative managers who took advantage of her lack of education.
Relationships
Fans confused as Chike poses with mystery woman
Chike, the Nigerian singer and songwriter, has sparked romance rumours after sharing an intimate photo with a mystery woman on Instagram.
The ‘Boo of the Booless’ hitmaker posted the picture on Wednesday, showcasing the pair in traditional Igbo and Yoruba attire.
He captioned the photo: “When I wake in the morning, I thank God for you”.
However, it remains unclear whether the photo is a glimpse into Chike’s personal life or a promotional shot for an upcoming music video.
Comments like “Happy married life o,” “my man pls don’t break my heart oo,” and “omo see as my heart cut babe stop naw” flooded the singer’s page.
The development comes as a surprise, considering Chike’s previous admission that he has never told a woman “I love you”.
In a 2022 interview, the 31-year-old singer revealed that saying “I love you” makes him feel vulnerable.
Relationships
Meagan Good, Jonathan Majors are engaged
The Hollywood stars Meagan Good and Jonathan Majors are engaged.
The couple announced their engagement on Sunday at the 2024 Ebony Power 100 List event held at Nya Studios in Los Angeles.
Meagan showed off her engagement ring while the lovebirds posed for loved-up photos on the red carpet.
They also revealed why they chose the particular event to go public with their engagement.
“Ebony Power 100 is the event that we met at in the bathrooms, in the unisex bathroom,” Meagan said.
Good was married to DeVon Franklin, the US pastor and producer, from 2012 to 2021. She and Majors were first linked romantically in May 2023.
Earlier this year, Good opened up about how friends advised her about the scrutiny she could face by being with him. She also discussed how she has stood by him through his challenges.
Majors was found guilty of assault in the third degree and harassment in December 2023, following a March 2023 arrest in New York.
He was arrested after allegedly assaulting Grace Jabbari, his ex-girlfriend.
In April 2024, Majors was sentenced to one year of domestic violence counseling, which includes a 52-week, in-person program in Los Angeles. He was also required to continue mental health therapy and provide regular updates on his progress.
Also, the court issued a permanent protective order between Majors and Jabbari, with potential jail time for any violations of his sentencing terms.
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