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Five tips to reduce the negative impact of divorce on children

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Divorce is a touchy subject that affects not only the parents but also the children psychologically, emotionally, academically, and socially.

Although some children tend to react to their parents’ split understandably. But for some, it will take time to understand the situation due to factors like gender, age, and sometimes the temperament of the child.

These factors also determine how much the kid will be affected.

However, they will be affected, and one or more of these will be noticed.

Anger or irritability
In most cases, children do not know how to express their feelings.

So in the case of divorce, some kids tend to react to their parents’ separation by getting angry at themselves, their parents, siblings, friends, and others.

However, this kind of anger can persist for a year or two. But if it lingers after the second year, you should then consider seeking the help of a counselor for your child.

Poor academic performance
Divorce causes distraction and confusion in children which further affects their performance academically.

The more they get stressed and distracted by the situation, the more their academic performance is affected poorly.

A 2019 study suggested kids from divorced families tend to have trouble with their academic performance if the split was unexpected, whereas children from a home where the divorce was likely didn’t have the same outcome.

The study added that children from broken homes tend to have poor educational outcomes than children whose parents stay married.

Loss of faith in marriage
This is also one of the effects of divorce on children whereby it affects their love life in the future.

Since they witnessed their parents’ failed marriage, they then feel the “institution” is worthless and won’t have any belief in getting married. They will also be so scared of commitment.

Even though, these kids try all their best to avoid their parents’ mistakes the stakes of them getting caught up in the “divorce cycle” remain high.

Feelings of guilt
This is common in children of divorced couples because, at this time, they are looking for the answer to “what’s happening?”, “Why are my parents separating?”.

So this feeling of guilt comes in when they think they have something to do with their parents’ failed marriage.

This might, however, leads to pressure, depression, stress, or other mental health issues.

Loss of interest in social activities
Parents’ separation affects children socially as well. It tends to get hard for them to relate with people, and have social contacts.

They also feel insecure when they try to be social which further affects their self-esteem and confidence.

Behavioral problem
Children whose parents are divorced tend to engage in destructive and risky behavior.

Kids caught up in this situation might frequently be involved in conflict with their peers or they should experience conduct disorder, and delinquency while adolescents tend to engage in crimes like sexual activities, drugs, etc.

With the aforementioned examples, if you think you can still work on your marriage and avoid divorce, please do for the sake of your children.

However, if you’re in an abusive or unhealthy marriage where divorce is needed, take the step.

FIVE TIPS TO HELP REDUCE DIVORCE EFFECTS ON CHILDREN:

Co-parent peacefully
Note that heated conversations and arguments should not be taken place in front of the kids.

Also, avoid bad-mouthing one another when the child is around. No matter how mild the comment is, there’s a chance the child will interpret it in another way and may even blame themselves.

Research has proven that kids adjust poorly to divorce when they witness their parents’ battle.

So take time to strategize on how to co-parent your children peacefully and lovingly.

Make them feel safe
The fear of abandonment is mostly the cause of anxiety and other mental health issues affecting kids after divorce.

If you can take your time to make them feel loved, safe, and secure even after divorce, the effects won’t take a big toll on them.

Children from broken homes who feel loved and secure are also less likely to experience mental issues.

Teach them coping mechanism
After letting your child know about your decision with respect to the separation, teach them how to cope.

Educate them on problem-solving skills and also how to manage their emotions, thoughts, and feelings in a healthy manner.

Listen to your children
The most effective way you can help minimize the impact of divorce on your children is by being attentive to all of their words and actions.

See the situation from their point of view, and remember the impact on them. Adjust your behavior and the way you communicate to their reaction.

You also have to place the feelings and needs of your child above your feelings and considerations as parents.

Maintain healthy relationship
Yes, even after the divorce. For the sake of your children, you both should learn how to have positive and healthy communication and rapport especially when the children are around.

Give them parental warmth and care which will help them adjust well to the situation and also reduce the effects on them.

If all of these suggestions didn’t help, then you should seek the help of a professional.

Relationships

Olajumoke Onibread narrates how ex-husband assaulted and ruined her career

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Olajumoke Orisaguna, the Nigerian model famously known as Olajumoke Onibread, has recounted her harrowing experience with domestic abuse.

Olajumoke rose to fame in 2016 after accidentally walking into a photo shoot with British rapper Tinie Tempah, captured by TY Bello. However, she disappeared from the public eye, leaving many wondering about her whereabouts.

In a recent interview with City FM, Olajumoke alleged that she endured a toxic relationship with her ex-husband Sunday Orisaguna.

She said they lived in Ire, Osun state before she relocated to Lagos. The model described the environment at their Ire home as “hostile”, citing her mother-in-law’s “mistreatment” and Sunday’s “physical abuse”.

She said after relocating to Lagos, she started hawking bread before crossing paths with TY Bello. She said Sunday, however, joined her in Lagos, and the alleged abuse continued.

Olajumoke said she felt ashamed to deny claims of marriage due to their two children. She claimed that her career suffered after their separation, alleging that Sunday maligned her reputation and that of her supporters.

“The time we were in Ire, we stayed in my husband’s family house and there is no way you stay in that kind of place that you would not encounter problems. My mother-in-law was very hostile towards me and I would have to close my hairdressing shop on time just so I could go make dinner at home,” she said.

“And it was whatever she told her son is what he listens to. He would not even listen to my own side of the story before he started beating me up. Whenever me and his mother had misunderstandings, he would not even listen to me before hitting me. He would beat me to the extent that my face and body would be swollen. Sometimes he would even make use of a belt. That was when we were in Ire, Osun state.

“I would hide what was happening because I did not want my mom to hear. She also lived within the same vicinity as us. Before when I go and report to her, she’ll say she did not give me out in marriage to anyone. Even my mum’s younger sister was against me marrying him, as she had lived longer in Ire than me, so she knew what she was saying. But when the pregnancy issue happened, there was nothing anyone could do.

“So my mum will tell me she did not bless any marriage and she cannot also ask me to leave there, so she did not involve herself in the issue. When he beat me, I would not be able to wear short-sleeved clothes, but long-sleeved dresses. I did not tell anyone, only those who lived with us in the house knew about it. Fast forward to January 2016 when I wanted to move to Lagos, we were frying akara for his dad’s remembrance when I had an issue with his elder sister.

“As usual, he beat me up and I decided that I was going to leave, move to Lagos, and start working at the bakery because I had been there before. The third day after that incident, I packed my load and brought my two children with me to Lagos because I could not leave them there. Getting to the bakery, I had to explain to my friend what happened and she was happy that I had finally left because she was part of the people that warned me about him.

“What I am saying now, I have never said it out before. Even when I met TY Bello and I told her that I had a husband, my friend was furious when she found out. She was like I do not have sense, why would I say someone who beats me is my husband? I had to explain that I had to say that because I have children. That was how he came to Lagos. Even in the house that was rented for me in Surulere, he would still beat me up.

“I did not even tell TY Bello what was going on. I could not even admit that we were not married. I am a very gentle person so I did not tell anyone what was going on, I was enduring all of it. Sometimes when he goes out to drink, because he is someone to have a good time, when he gets back and a minor misunderstanding happens, he would start beating me again. It is almost four years since we separated.

“While he was beating me, he did not have a job. I was the one who would go out to hustle for us because I did not want my children to suffer. He would just stay at home and sleep or go out to drink. I did not even disturb him from doing these things, I just wanted him to stop beating me. Then he also started monitoring me when I went to work. If I go for photoshoots, sometimes I come back very late. He would accuse me of sleeping around with other men.

“So I decided to finally leave him. It got so bad that he would even start insulting my parents. It was when I separated from him, that was when everything started going down the drain because he started spoiling my name. All those who had helped me then, he started saying bad things against them. Since then, things started going down.”

Olajumoke has returned to the spotlight as a radio presenter with her talk show ‘Kilon Shele’.

She disclosed that her radio show will focus on her personal story, including her experiences with exploitative managers who took advantage of her lack of education.

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Relationships

Fans confused as Chike poses with mystery woman

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Chike, the Nigerian singer and songwriter, has sparked romance rumours after sharing an intimate photo with a mystery woman on Instagram.

The ‘Boo of the Booless’ hitmaker posted the picture on Wednesday, showcasing the pair in traditional Igbo and Yoruba attire.

He captioned the photo: “When I wake in the morning, I thank God for you”.

However, it remains unclear whether the photo is a glimpse into Chike’s personal life or a promotional shot for an upcoming music video.

Comments like “Happy married life o,” “my man pls don’t break my heart oo,” and “omo see as my heart cut babe stop naw” flooded the singer’s page.

The development comes as a surprise, considering Chike’s previous admission that he has never told a woman “I love you”.

In a 2022 interview, the 31-year-old singer revealed that saying “I love you” makes him feel vulnerable.

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Relationships

Meagan Good, Jonathan Majors are engaged

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The Hollywood stars Meagan Good and Jonathan Majors are engaged.

The couple announced their engagement on Sunday at the 2024 Ebony Power 100 List event held at Nya Studios in Los Angeles.

Meagan showed off her engagement ring while the lovebirds posed for loved-up photos on the red carpet.

They also revealed why they chose the particular event to go public with their engagement.

“Ebony Power 100 is the event that we met at in the bathrooms, in the unisex bathroom,” Meagan said.

Good was married to DeVon Franklin, the US pastor and producer, from 2012 to 2021. She and Majors were first linked romantically in May 2023.

Earlier this year, Good opened up about how friends advised her about the scrutiny she could face by being with him. She also discussed how she has stood by him through his challenges.

Majors was found guilty of assault in the third degree and harassment in December 2023, following a March 2023 arrest in New York.

He was arrested after allegedly assaulting Grace Jabbari, his ex-girlfriend.

In April 2024, Majors was sentenced to one year of domestic violence counseling, which includes a 52-week, in-person program in Los Angeles. He was also required to continue mental health therapy and provide regular updates on his progress.

Also, the court issued a permanent protective order between Majors and Jabbari, with potential jail time for any violations of his sentencing terms.

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Bodex F. Hungbo, SPMIIM is a multiple award-winning Nigerian Digital Media Practitioner, Digital Strategist, PR consultant, Brand and Event Expert, Tv Presenter, Tier-A Blogger/Influencer, and a top cobbler in Nigeria.

She has widespread experiences across different professions and skills, which includes experiences in; Marketing, Media, Broadcasting, Brand and Event Management, Administration and Management with prior stints at MTN, NAPIMS-NNPC, GLOBAL FLEET OIL AND GAS, LTV, Silverbird and a host of others

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