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Five tips to reduce the negative impact of divorce on children

Published

2 years ago

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Divorce is a touchy subject that affects not only the parents but also the children psychologically, emotionally, academically, and socially.

Although some children tend to react to their parents’ split understandably. But for some, it will take time to understand the situation due to factors like gender, age, and sometimes the temperament of the child.

These factors also determine how much the kid will be affected.

However, they will be affected, and one or more of these will be noticed.

Anger or irritability
In most cases, children do not know how to express their feelings.

So in the case of divorce, some kids tend to react to their parents’ separation by getting angry at themselves, their parents, siblings, friends, and others.

However, this kind of anger can persist for a year or two. But if it lingers after the second year, you should then consider seeking the help of a counselor for your child.

Poor academic performance
Divorce causes distraction and confusion in children which further affects their performance academically.

The more they get stressed and distracted by the situation, the more their academic performance is affected poorly.

A 2019 study suggested kids from divorced families tend to have trouble with their academic performance if the split was unexpected, whereas children from a home where the divorce was likely didn’t have the same outcome.

The study added that children from broken homes tend to have poor educational outcomes than children whose parents stay married.

Loss of faith in marriage
This is also one of the effects of divorce on children whereby it affects their love life in the future.

Since they witnessed their parents’ failed marriage, they then feel the “institution” is worthless and won’t have any belief in getting married. They will also be so scared of commitment.

Even though, these kids try all their best to avoid their parents’ mistakes the stakes of them getting caught up in the “divorce cycle” remain high.

Feelings of guilt
This is common in children of divorced couples because, at this time, they are looking for the answer to “what’s happening?”, “Why are my parents separating?”.

So this feeling of guilt comes in when they think they have something to do with their parents’ failed marriage.

This might, however, leads to pressure, depression, stress, or other mental health issues.

Loss of interest in social activities
Parents’ separation affects children socially as well. It tends to get hard for them to relate with people, and have social contacts.

They also feel insecure when they try to be social which further affects their self-esteem and confidence.

Behavioral problem
Children whose parents are divorced tend to engage in destructive and risky behavior.

Kids caught up in this situation might frequently be involved in conflict with their peers or they should experience conduct disorder, and delinquency while adolescents tend to engage in crimes like sexual activities, drugs, etc.

With the aforementioned examples, if you think you can still work on your marriage and avoid divorce, please do for the sake of your children.

However, if you’re in an abusive or unhealthy marriage where divorce is needed, take the step.

FIVE TIPS TO HELP REDUCE DIVORCE EFFECTS ON CHILDREN:

Co-parent peacefully
Note that heated conversations and arguments should not be taken place in front of the kids.

Also, avoid bad-mouthing one another when the child is around. No matter how mild the comment is, there’s a chance the child will interpret it in another way and may even blame themselves.

Research has proven that kids adjust poorly to divorce when they witness their parents’ battle.

So take time to strategize on how to co-parent your children peacefully and lovingly.

Make them feel safe
The fear of abandonment is mostly the cause of anxiety and other mental health issues affecting kids after divorce.

If you can take your time to make them feel loved, safe, and secure even after divorce, the effects won’t take a big toll on them.

Children from broken homes who feel loved and secure are also less likely to experience mental issues.

Teach them coping mechanism
After letting your child know about your decision with respect to the separation, teach them how to cope.

Educate them on problem-solving skills and also how to manage their emotions, thoughts, and feelings in a healthy manner.

Listen to your children
The most effective way you can help minimize the impact of divorce on your children is by being attentive to all of their words and actions.

See the situation from their point of view, and remember the impact on them. Adjust your behavior and the way you communicate to their reaction.

You also have to place the feelings and needs of your child above your feelings and considerations as parents.

Maintain healthy relationship
Yes, even after the divorce. For the sake of your children, you both should learn how to have positive and healthy communication and rapport especially when the children are around.

Give them parental warmth and care which will help them adjust well to the situation and also reduce the effects on them.

If all of these suggestions didn’t help, then you should seek the help of a professional.

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Relationships

5 thoughtful gifts to get your partner for Christmas

Published

4 days ago

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December 21, 2024 8:47 am

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You know how we do in Naija when Christmas is just around the corner. This is the season of jollof rice, family vibes, and, of course, amazing gifts.

Now let’s be real when it comes to gifts. People are tired of boring and occasional gifts like Ankara fabrics, bland gift cards, and hampers, as these things fade away as soon as they are consumed. So this year let’s talk about five thoughtful gifts that’ll blow your partner’s mind and make this Christmas one for the books. These aren’t just gifts; they’re pure vibes.

Here are 5 thoughtful gifts to get your partner for Christmas.

1. Personalised jewellery

First up, we’ve got personalised jewellery. Trust me, this one hits every single time. Personalised gifts like this show your partner that you’ve put thought and effort into it.

Think about a necklace with their name, a bracelet engraved with your anniversary date, or a cute ring with a special message like “My Babe Forever.” Whether they wear it to Sunday service or flex it at a wedding, personalised jewellery is not just a gift; it’s a memory they carry with them.

There are plenty of Naija jewellers who can customise something stunning for you. Add a nice box and a handwritten note, and you’ve got yourself a top-tier gift that screams, “I care about you.”

2. Experience gifts

Sometimes, we just need a break from the daily hustle and city heat and traffic, and that’s why experience gifts are such a vibe.

It could be a weekend staycation in a luxury hotel, tickets to a Burna Boy or Asake concert, or even a relaxing spa date to help them recover from the December rush. For the adventurous ones, how about paragliding in Jos or hiking in Obudu?

It’s not just the experience itself; it’s the memories you create together. And trust me, you’ll be in their good books for a long, long time.

3. Custom photo book

Now this one is pure romance that brings back all the beautiful memories. Imagine creating a custom photo book filled with all the memories you and your partner have shared. From the cute selfies you took during your first date to the epic road trips or even those funny moments during wedding prep.

You can add captions like, “This was when we got stuck in Ajah traffic for five hours!” or “Our first beach date in Tarkwa Bay.” It’s more than just a gift; it’s your relationship in a book.

And the best part is that the memories are sweet, sentimental, and priceless. You can sit down together, flip through the pages, and laugh over all the memories.

4. Subscription boxes

Another perfect gift for your partner this Christmas season is a subscription box. Imagine your partner receiving a surprise package every month. It’s like Christmas 12 times a year.

From gourmet Nigerian snacks (think plantain chips, chin chin, and cashew nuts) to skincare products or even fitness gear, there’s a subscription box for everyone.

5. Handwritten love letters

In this digital age of WhatsApp messages and emojis, handwritten love letters are seriously underrated. Remind them why you fell in love, recount your favourite memories, and share your dreams for the future. You could even hide these letters in unexpected places—tuck one in their handbag or slide another under their pillow.

The beauty of a handwritten letter is that it lasts forever, even long after Christmas; your partner can pull it out, read it, and feel all warm and fuzzy. You can also add some local touches, like using Ankara stationery or a traditional wax-sealed envelope, and another gift, such as a photo album or a piece of jewellery.

Selecting a thoughtful gift for your partner this Christmas does not have to be difficult. These suggestions, ranging from personalised jewellery to handwritten love letters, emphasise the significance of effort and sentiment in gift-giving. The best gifts reflect your particular connection, making this season not just joyous but unforgettable.

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Relationships

Tiwa Savage opens up about her divorce from TeeBillz

Published

5 days ago

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December 20, 2024 8:20 am

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Tiwa Savage, the Nigerian singer, has opened up about her divorce from Tunji ‘TeeBillz‘ Balogun, her ex-husband.

The duo divorced in 2018 after efforts to resolve the differences in their marriage proved abortive.

In an interview with The Receipts Podcast, the ‘Kele Kele’ hitmaker revealed that her ex-husband was responsible for the divorce.

The award-winning songstress said at the time, she was struggling with postpartum depression after giving birth to their son.

The 44-year-old singer said she faced intense criticism from the public, with many attacking her without giving her a chance to share her side of the story.

She also recalled how some prominent figures advised her to remain silent about the incident to protect her reputation.

“When I came out, I was Nigeria’s sweetheart when I started and I could do no wrong in Nigerian’s eyes. I did everything by the book. I went to university and I wasn’t a baby mama. I got married then I had a baby so I did everything in the right order and everybody loved me and then everything happened,” she said.

“Then I started getting hate from blogs and I started getting hate from certain people. The way our situation happened, he announced it online. I didn’t break up with him but I was the one being attacked.

“At the time, my baby was just a few months old and I was dealing with postpartum and my body wasn’t the same and I was depressed. Everyone then went to him and only a few people came to see me.

“After I interviewed to tell my side of the story, it got worse. People were like ‘How dare you go and talk’ ‘You’re a woman and you’re supposed to build the house, it’s your fault’.

“I remember famous people calling me to ask how I could tell my side of the story cuz I’d never win. Ever since then, I was like I won’t ever talk about the situation because it was very heartbreaking how the public took it and blamed me.”

She added that the experience was an “eye-opener” that made her become “wild and carefree”.

“It was an eye-opener for me and it made me depressed for so long. It got me angry then I became the ‘African Bad Girl’,” she added.

“I thought to myself that after doing everything right I was still attacked. Then I started getting tattoos and wearing short skirts and bikini. I was just wild.”

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Relationships

Actress Etinosa Idemudia remarries in Lagos

Published

5 days ago

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December 20, 2024 8:04 am

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Etinosa Idemudia, the Nigerian actress, has tied the knot again, this time with a white man.

Etinosa took to her Instagram page to share a video of herself and her lover, whose name and nationality are yet to be revealed.

In the accompanying caption, the actress wrote, “I don carry my two left enter new relationship. Please wish me well ❤️ 💍”.

In another Instagram post on Thursday, Etinosa shared a photo from their legal wedding ceremony held at the Ikoyi Registry in Lagos.

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Bodex F. Hungbo, SPMIIM is a multiple award-winning Nigerian Digital Media Practitioner, Digital Strategist, PR consultant, Brand and Event Expert, Tv Presenter, Tier-A Blogger/Influencer, and a top cobbler in Nigeria.

She has widespread experiences across different professions and skills, which includes experiences in; Marketing, Media, Broadcasting, Brand and Event Management, Administration and Management with prior stints at MTN, NAPIMS-NNPC, GLOBAL FLEET OIL AND GAS, LTV, Silverbird and a host of others

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