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Five negative things to expect if you’re in a sexless marriage

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Marriage is an institution with many moving parts. Parts that need to move for things to go smoothly. Sex is just one of those parts but a very important one nonetheless.

But as it happens, marriage can descend into a place where the couple grow so apart emotionally that sex ceases to be a part of the marriage. Though they still live under the same roof, sleeping in the same bed. The consequences of a sexless marriage are far-reaching.

However, conditions that lead to a sexless marriage are not always black and white. A couple can be happy and be in a sexless marriage, wondering what happened to their once blossoming sex life. And sexless marriage isn’t as rare as you may think.

According to one study, 15 per cent of married couples are in a sexless marriage. A marriage is said to be sexless if a couple have not had sex for 6 to 12 months.

What are the consequences of a sexless marriage?

Below are ways in which a sexless marriage can affect you.

Reduces emotional intimacy
Intimacy is important for a couple in marriage. It is about being close to your partner on an emotional level. Intimacy allows one to be vulnerable and open to their partner. It fosters comfort-ability, allowing each person in the union to do things like walking naked before the other person. And sex hugely contributes to this, hence the reduction of intimacy.

More temptation
Sex is a physical activity that brings pleasure and promotes bonding between a couple. The body is programmed to want sex, if not for the bonding, then for the pleasure. So when your physical needs are not being met you are bound to be starved and lonely. And that starvation and loneliness may lead to impulsive behaviour, bringing your fidelity into question.

Reduces trust
There is a hormone known as the “Love hormone.” Scientists call it oxytocin. This hormone is secreted when one reaches orgasm, the height of sexual pleasure. Oxytocin increases the feeling of trust between partners. In a sexless marriage where there is no sex or intimacy, oxytocin is absent. Therefore, trust is lacking, which will make you begin to question your partner’s loyalty. Why aren’t they having sex with you? Are they getting it somewhere else?

Low self-esteem
Apart from the pleasure that comes with sex, what it does for a couple is that it confirms to each of them that their partner wants them. Therefore, this translates into a feeling of attractiveness and being wanted. But in a sexless marriage where sex is nonexistent, it will make you start to feel like you’re the problem. That you’re not attractive enough.

Resentment
To many people, sex is only a physical activity, but it goes beyond that. It is a time when two souls bond and achieve the feel-good factor. And so it makes sense that when that good feeling is no longer there, resentment and irritability might take its place.

Conclusion

There is never shame in getting help. Talk to your partner. Communicate. If you both want to work things out and rekindle that passion for sex, find a counsellor with years of experience in marriage counselling.

Relationships

5 thoughtful gifts to get your partner for Christmas

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You know how we do in Naija when Christmas is just around the corner. This is the season of jollof rice, family vibes, and, of course, amazing gifts.

Now let’s be real when it comes to gifts. People are tired of boring and occasional gifts like Ankara fabrics, bland gift cards, and hampers, as these things fade away as soon as they are consumed. So this year let’s talk about five thoughtful gifts that’ll blow your partner’s mind and make this Christmas one for the books. These aren’t just gifts; they’re pure vibes.

Here are 5 thoughtful gifts to get your partner for Christmas.

1. Personalised jewellery

First up, we’ve got personalised jewellery. Trust me, this one hits every single time. Personalised gifts like this show your partner that you’ve put thought and effort into it.

Think about a necklace with their name, a bracelet engraved with your anniversary date, or a cute ring with a special message like “My Babe Forever.” Whether they wear it to Sunday service or flex it at a wedding, personalised jewellery is not just a gift; it’s a memory they carry with them.

There are plenty of Naija jewellers who can customise something stunning for you. Add a nice box and a handwritten note, and you’ve got yourself a top-tier gift that screams, “I care about you.”

2. Experience gifts

Sometimes, we just need a break from the daily hustle and city heat and traffic, and that’s why experience gifts are such a vibe.

It could be a weekend staycation in a luxury hotel, tickets to a Burna Boy or Asake concert, or even a relaxing spa date to help them recover from the December rush. For the adventurous ones, how about paragliding in Jos or hiking in Obudu?

It’s not just the experience itself; it’s the memories you create together. And trust me, you’ll be in their good books for a long, long time.

3. Custom photo book

Now this one is pure romance that brings back all the beautiful memories. Imagine creating a custom photo book filled with all the memories you and your partner have shared. From the cute selfies you took during your first date to the epic road trips or even those funny moments during wedding prep.

You can add captions like, “This was when we got stuck in Ajah traffic for five hours!” or “Our first beach date in Tarkwa Bay.” It’s more than just a gift; it’s your relationship in a book.

And the best part is that the memories are sweet, sentimental, and priceless. You can sit down together, flip through the pages, and laugh over all the memories.

4. Subscription boxes

Another perfect gift for your partner this Christmas season is a subscription box. Imagine your partner receiving a surprise package every month. It’s like Christmas 12 times a year.

From gourmet Nigerian snacks (think plantain chips, chin chin, and cashew nuts) to skincare products or even fitness gear, there’s a subscription box for everyone.

5. Handwritten love letters

In this digital age of WhatsApp messages and emojis, handwritten love letters are seriously underrated. Remind them why you fell in love, recount your favourite memories, and share your dreams for the future. You could even hide these letters in unexpected places—tuck one in their handbag or slide another under their pillow.

The beauty of a handwritten letter is that it lasts forever, even long after Christmas; your partner can pull it out, read it, and feel all warm and fuzzy. You can also add some local touches, like using Ankara stationery or a traditional wax-sealed envelope, and another gift, such as a photo album or a piece of jewellery.

Selecting a thoughtful gift for your partner this Christmas does not have to be difficult. These suggestions, ranging from personalised jewellery to handwritten love letters, emphasise the significance of effort and sentiment in gift-giving. The best gifts reflect your particular connection, making this season not just joyous but unforgettable.

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Relationships

Tiwa Savage opens up about her divorce from TeeBillz

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Tiwa Savage, the Nigerian singer, has opened up about her divorce from Tunji ‘TeeBillz‘ Balogun, her ex-husband.

The duo divorced in 2018 after efforts to resolve the differences in their marriage proved abortive.

In an interview with The Receipts Podcast, the ‘Kele Kele’ hitmaker revealed that her ex-husband was responsible for the divorce.

The award-winning songstress said at the time, she was struggling with postpartum depression after giving birth to their son.

The 44-year-old singer said she faced intense criticism from the public, with many attacking her without giving her a chance to share her side of the story.

She also recalled how some prominent figures advised her to remain silent about the incident to protect her reputation.

“When I came out, I was Nigeria’s sweetheart when I started and I could do no wrong in Nigerian’s eyes. I did everything by the book. I went to university and I wasn’t a baby mama. I got married then I had a baby so I did everything in the right order and everybody loved me and then everything happened,” she said.

“Then I started getting hate from blogs and I started getting hate from certain people. The way our situation happened, he announced it online. I didn’t break up with him but I was the one being attacked.

“At the time, my baby was just a few months old and I was dealing with postpartum and my body wasn’t the same and I was depressed. Everyone then went to him and only a few people came to see me.

“After I interviewed to tell my side of the story, it got worse. People were like ‘How dare you go and talk’ ‘You’re a woman and you’re supposed to build the house, it’s your fault’.

“I remember famous people calling me to ask how I could tell my side of the story cuz I’d never win. Ever since then, I was like I won’t ever talk about the situation because it was very heartbreaking how the public took it and blamed me.”

She added that the experience was an “eye-opener” that made her become “wild and carefree”.

“It was an eye-opener for me and it made me depressed for so long. It got me angry then I became the ‘African Bad Girl’,” she added.

“I thought to myself that after doing everything right I was still attacked. Then I started getting tattoos and wearing short skirts and bikini. I was just wild.”

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Relationships

Actress Etinosa Idemudia remarries in Lagos

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Etinosa Idemudia, the Nigerian actress, has tied the knot again, this time with a white man.

Etinosa took to her Instagram page to share a video of herself and her lover, whose name and nationality are yet to be revealed.

In the accompanying caption, the actress wrote, “I don carry my two left enter new relationship. Please wish me well ❤️ 💍”.

In another Instagram post on Thursday, Etinosa shared a photo from their legal wedding ceremony held at the Ikoyi Registry in Lagos.

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