Relationships
Here are 4 reasons men and women communicate differently — these can cause problems
It seems that we already know everything about ourselves: how women and men think and speak.
But why then are there still so many misunderstandings, grudges and quarrels in our relationships? Or maybe we know but we don’t apply it?
While men focus more on action, women experience everything more emotionally. Some even say that women “think with their hearts.”
How are these two different worlds supposed to communicate now?
1. Men won’t guess
A woman should remember that if she does not tell her husband directly about her needs, emotions or expectations, he will not guess them himself. What would be obvious to another woman will not be obvious to your husband. It’s a waste of time.
The common belief that if he really loves me, it means that he knows me well and therefore should know what my desires or fears are, or what I feel at a given moment, is not true. Unfortunately, we have to tell him this.
You can even take on the noble task of teaching your husband about your emotions. But it takes time, patience and pedagogical skills. Otherwise, grievances and complaints arise, and the already tense relationship becomes even more difficult.
Let’s assume that our husband simply doesn’t understand our messages, and not that he has bad intentions and does – or doesn’t do – something on purpose. Besides, assuming good intentions of the other party in every relationship helps.
2. A woman wants to be heard
In turn, a woman has a need to talk about her feelings (emotive function of communication). Then she expects the man to listen calmly, empathise and show compassion.
This is a difficult art for male nature, but everything can be learned. If the husband does not satisfy this need, the wife will find, for example, a friend or another man – a confidant, and then this may mean the beginning of the end of the relationship.
A wife has the right to expect her husband to be interested and concerned about her affairs, as is the husband in his affairs. It is important for your husband to really learn to listen and not just pretend to listen.
3. Women don’t want solutions
When talking about their affairs, women devote a lot of space to feelings, and men focus mainly on facts (the information function of communication dominates). A woman needs understanding, support, taking care of her feelings, and not at all explaining that her behaviour is not logical, asking about the reasons for crying and proposing a solution – how to best deal with a given problem (and the proposal will be from a man’s point of view anyway, which cannot necessarily be used by a woman at all).
Then the husband cannot be surprised when his wife accuses him of “You don’t understand anything!”
4. Men don’t like to talk
Women, from their point of view, sometimes feel unreconciled with the fact that their husband does not tell everything. They suffer because of this, sometimes they even think that their husband has something to hide, they look for reasons that do not exist and torment themselves about it.
And a man simply does not have as much of a need to “extend himself” as a wife. There is no need to talk about everything and share everything with your wife. Especially when he has problems, he prefers to deal with them himself and wants to spare his wife unnecessary stress. But the wife may interpret such behavioUr incorrectly.
We seem to know all this, but what if we always remember it?
Relationships
Olajumoke Onibread narrates how ex-husband assaulted and ruined her career
Olajumoke Orisaguna, the Nigerian model famously known as Olajumoke Onibread, has recounted her harrowing experience with domestic abuse.
Olajumoke rose to fame in 2016 after accidentally walking into a photo shoot with British rapper Tinie Tempah, captured by TY Bello. However, she disappeared from the public eye, leaving many wondering about her whereabouts.
In a recent interview with City FM, Olajumoke alleged that she endured a toxic relationship with her ex-husband Sunday Orisaguna.
She said they lived in Ire, Osun state before she relocated to Lagos. The model described the environment at their Ire home as “hostile”, citing her mother-in-law’s “mistreatment” and Sunday’s “physical abuse”.
She said after relocating to Lagos, she started hawking bread before crossing paths with TY Bello. She said Sunday, however, joined her in Lagos, and the alleged abuse continued.
Olajumoke said she felt ashamed to deny claims of marriage due to their two children. She claimed that her career suffered after their separation, alleging that Sunday maligned her reputation and that of her supporters.
“The time we were in Ire, we stayed in my husband’s family house and there is no way you stay in that kind of place that you would not encounter problems. My mother-in-law was very hostile towards me and I would have to close my hairdressing shop on time just so I could go make dinner at home,” she said.
“And it was whatever she told her son is what he listens to. He would not even listen to my own side of the story before he started beating me up. Whenever me and his mother had misunderstandings, he would not even listen to me before hitting me. He would beat me to the extent that my face and body would be swollen. Sometimes he would even make use of a belt. That was when we were in Ire, Osun state.
“I would hide what was happening because I did not want my mom to hear. She also lived within the same vicinity as us. Before when I go and report to her, she’ll say she did not give me out in marriage to anyone. Even my mum’s younger sister was against me marrying him, as she had lived longer in Ire than me, so she knew what she was saying. But when the pregnancy issue happened, there was nothing anyone could do.
“So my mum will tell me she did not bless any marriage and she cannot also ask me to leave there, so she did not involve herself in the issue. When he beat me, I would not be able to wear short-sleeved clothes, but long-sleeved dresses. I did not tell anyone, only those who lived with us in the house knew about it. Fast forward to January 2016 when I wanted to move to Lagos, we were frying akara for his dad’s remembrance when I had an issue with his elder sister.
“As usual, he beat me up and I decided that I was going to leave, move to Lagos, and start working at the bakery because I had been there before. The third day after that incident, I packed my load and brought my two children with me to Lagos because I could not leave them there. Getting to the bakery, I had to explain to my friend what happened and she was happy that I had finally left because she was part of the people that warned me about him.
“What I am saying now, I have never said it out before. Even when I met TY Bello and I told her that I had a husband, my friend was furious when she found out. She was like I do not have sense, why would I say someone who beats me is my husband? I had to explain that I had to say that because I have children. That was how he came to Lagos. Even in the house that was rented for me in Surulere, he would still beat me up.
“I did not even tell TY Bello what was going on. I could not even admit that we were not married. I am a very gentle person so I did not tell anyone what was going on, I was enduring all of it. Sometimes when he goes out to drink, because he is someone to have a good time, when he gets back and a minor misunderstanding happens, he would start beating me again. It is almost four years since we separated.
“While he was beating me, he did not have a job. I was the one who would go out to hustle for us because I did not want my children to suffer. He would just stay at home and sleep or go out to drink. I did not even disturb him from doing these things, I just wanted him to stop beating me. Then he also started monitoring me when I went to work. If I go for photoshoots, sometimes I come back very late. He would accuse me of sleeping around with other men.
“So I decided to finally leave him. It got so bad that he would even start insulting my parents. It was when I separated from him, that was when everything started going down the drain because he started spoiling my name. All those who had helped me then, he started saying bad things against them. Since then, things started going down.”
Olajumoke has returned to the spotlight as a radio presenter with her talk show ‘Kilon Shele’.
She disclosed that her radio show will focus on her personal story, including her experiences with exploitative managers who took advantage of her lack of education.
Relationships
Fans confused as Chike poses with mystery woman
Chike, the Nigerian singer and songwriter, has sparked romance rumours after sharing an intimate photo with a mystery woman on Instagram.
The ‘Boo of the Booless’ hitmaker posted the picture on Wednesday, showcasing the pair in traditional Igbo and Yoruba attire.
He captioned the photo: “When I wake in the morning, I thank God for you”.
However, it remains unclear whether the photo is a glimpse into Chike’s personal life or a promotional shot for an upcoming music video.
Comments like “Happy married life o,” “my man pls don’t break my heart oo,” and “omo see as my heart cut babe stop naw” flooded the singer’s page.
The development comes as a surprise, considering Chike’s previous admission that he has never told a woman “I love you”.
In a 2022 interview, the 31-year-old singer revealed that saying “I love you” makes him feel vulnerable.
Relationships
Meagan Good, Jonathan Majors are engaged
The Hollywood stars Meagan Good and Jonathan Majors are engaged.
The couple announced their engagement on Sunday at the 2024 Ebony Power 100 List event held at Nya Studios in Los Angeles.
Meagan showed off her engagement ring while the lovebirds posed for loved-up photos on the red carpet.
They also revealed why they chose the particular event to go public with their engagement.
“Ebony Power 100 is the event that we met at in the bathrooms, in the unisex bathroom,” Meagan said.
Good was married to DeVon Franklin, the US pastor and producer, from 2012 to 2021. She and Majors were first linked romantically in May 2023.
Earlier this year, Good opened up about how friends advised her about the scrutiny she could face by being with him. She also discussed how she has stood by him through his challenges.
Majors was found guilty of assault in the third degree and harassment in December 2023, following a March 2023 arrest in New York.
He was arrested after allegedly assaulting Grace Jabbari, his ex-girlfriend.
In April 2024, Majors was sentenced to one year of domestic violence counseling, which includes a 52-week, in-person program in Los Angeles. He was also required to continue mental health therapy and provide regular updates on his progress.
Also, the court issued a permanent protective order between Majors and Jabbari, with potential jail time for any violations of his sentencing terms.
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