Relationships
Seven tips to handle conflict in relationships
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship; be it romantic, familial, or platonic. However, it is not inherently destructive but how it is handled can make all the difference.
Poorly managed conflict can break a relationship but when handled with care and intentionality, the bond between partners can be strengthened.
Effective conflict resolution fosters mutual respect, and understanding, and even deepens the connection between individuals.
Here are practical tips for managing conflict healthily and constructively.
Express your feelings openly
Effective communication is key to resolving conflict in a relationship.
Remember, your partner is not a mind reader. So, you have to express what is bothering you in a firm, honest, respectful, and caring manner.
While expressing your feelings, avoid throwing out blame and criticism. For example, avoid using the words “always” and “never” as it can make your partner feel attacked.
Avoid concluding and assuming on your partner’s behalf on an issue as well. Rather, talk about it, ask for clarifications, and listen to your partner’s side of the story.
This will help create a safe space for open dialogue where partners can better understand each other’s perspectives.
Practice active listening
In managing conflict, listening is as important as communicating.
While your partner is communicating his/her feelings, how are you reacting? This influences the outcome of the resolution.
To handle conflict constructively, you have to practice active listening.
Active listening involves giving your partner full attention when speaking, making eye contact, not interrupting, and nodding to show you’re engaged.
This gives the impression that you acknowledge and understand your partner’s feelings and point of view.
It also makes your partner feel valued, respected, and heard, which can significantly deescalate tension.
Focus on the matter at hand
During a disagreement, try as much as possible not to cross the lines and start insulting your partner or bringing up past issues.
Doing any of these will only make the disagreement more complicated and resolution more challenging.
So, focus on the issue that caused the disagreement. Sort the issues once at a time.
Concentrating on resolving that particular issue will keep the conversation productive and effective.
Also, if your partner continuously and aggressively insults or curses you during the tiniest disagreement, you might be in a toxic relationship.
Compromise
Compromising is often needed during conflict resolution.
It is important to recognize that you won’t always get your way, and that is okay. So, try to find a balance between what you both want and are comfortable with.
By prioritising the health of the relationship over being right, you can foster a sense of teamwork and mutual respect.
Take responsibility and apologise
Effective conflict resolution involves admitting when you are wrong and taking responsibility.
After owning what is yours, apologise sincerely. An apology can go a long way in mending hurt feelings and restoring trust.
Taking responsibility for your actions is not a weakness but it shows maturity and a willingness to make amends.
It also helps to resolve the conflict more quickly.
It is also important to forgive your partner when they apologise, allowing both of you to move forward without holding onto resentment.
Take a break when needed
Sometimes, a conflict can become too heated to resolve in the moment.
When the atmosphere is tense and emotions are high, it is okay to take a break.
Taking a break to cool down before continuing the resolution allows you to collect your emotions and thoughts, it also reduces the risk of saying hurtful things to each other.
However, keep at it and ensure to agree on a time to continue the resolution. Do not sweep it under the rug but address it with a calmer mindset.
Seek help when needed
If the conflict seems impossible to resolve, guidance from a professional — a counselor or therapist — can be helpful.
A third party who is neutral can help provide valuable insights, develop better communication skills, and guide in resolving these issues.
Seeking help from a third party is not a sign of weakness but a proactive step towards improving your relationship.
Relationships
Olajumoke Onibread narrates how ex-husband assaulted and ruined her career
Olajumoke Orisaguna, the Nigerian model famously known as Olajumoke Onibread, has recounted her harrowing experience with domestic abuse.
Olajumoke rose to fame in 2016 after accidentally walking into a photo shoot with British rapper Tinie Tempah, captured by TY Bello. However, she disappeared from the public eye, leaving many wondering about her whereabouts.
In a recent interview with City FM, Olajumoke alleged that she endured a toxic relationship with her ex-husband Sunday Orisaguna.
She said they lived in Ire, Osun state before she relocated to Lagos. The model described the environment at their Ire home as “hostile”, citing her mother-in-law’s “mistreatment” and Sunday’s “physical abuse”.
She said after relocating to Lagos, she started hawking bread before crossing paths with TY Bello. She said Sunday, however, joined her in Lagos, and the alleged abuse continued.
Olajumoke said she felt ashamed to deny claims of marriage due to their two children. She claimed that her career suffered after their separation, alleging that Sunday maligned her reputation and that of her supporters.
“The time we were in Ire, we stayed in my husband’s family house and there is no way you stay in that kind of place that you would not encounter problems. My mother-in-law was very hostile towards me and I would have to close my hairdressing shop on time just so I could go make dinner at home,” she said.
“And it was whatever she told her son is what he listens to. He would not even listen to my own side of the story before he started beating me up. Whenever me and his mother had misunderstandings, he would not even listen to me before hitting me. He would beat me to the extent that my face and body would be swollen. Sometimes he would even make use of a belt. That was when we were in Ire, Osun state.
“I would hide what was happening because I did not want my mom to hear. She also lived within the same vicinity as us. Before when I go and report to her, she’ll say she did not give me out in marriage to anyone. Even my mum’s younger sister was against me marrying him, as she had lived longer in Ire than me, so she knew what she was saying. But when the pregnancy issue happened, there was nothing anyone could do.
“So my mum will tell me she did not bless any marriage and she cannot also ask me to leave there, so she did not involve herself in the issue. When he beat me, I would not be able to wear short-sleeved clothes, but long-sleeved dresses. I did not tell anyone, only those who lived with us in the house knew about it. Fast forward to January 2016 when I wanted to move to Lagos, we were frying akara for his dad’s remembrance when I had an issue with his elder sister.
“As usual, he beat me up and I decided that I was going to leave, move to Lagos, and start working at the bakery because I had been there before. The third day after that incident, I packed my load and brought my two children with me to Lagos because I could not leave them there. Getting to the bakery, I had to explain to my friend what happened and she was happy that I had finally left because she was part of the people that warned me about him.
“What I am saying now, I have never said it out before. Even when I met TY Bello and I told her that I had a husband, my friend was furious when she found out. She was like I do not have sense, why would I say someone who beats me is my husband? I had to explain that I had to say that because I have children. That was how he came to Lagos. Even in the house that was rented for me in Surulere, he would still beat me up.
“I did not even tell TY Bello what was going on. I could not even admit that we were not married. I am a very gentle person so I did not tell anyone what was going on, I was enduring all of it. Sometimes when he goes out to drink, because he is someone to have a good time, when he gets back and a minor misunderstanding happens, he would start beating me again. It is almost four years since we separated.
“While he was beating me, he did not have a job. I was the one who would go out to hustle for us because I did not want my children to suffer. He would just stay at home and sleep or go out to drink. I did not even disturb him from doing these things, I just wanted him to stop beating me. Then he also started monitoring me when I went to work. If I go for photoshoots, sometimes I come back very late. He would accuse me of sleeping around with other men.
“So I decided to finally leave him. It got so bad that he would even start insulting my parents. It was when I separated from him, that was when everything started going down the drain because he started spoiling my name. All those who had helped me then, he started saying bad things against them. Since then, things started going down.”
Olajumoke has returned to the spotlight as a radio presenter with her talk show ‘Kilon Shele’.
She disclosed that her radio show will focus on her personal story, including her experiences with exploitative managers who took advantage of her lack of education.
Relationships
Fans confused as Chike poses with mystery woman
Chike, the Nigerian singer and songwriter, has sparked romance rumours after sharing an intimate photo with a mystery woman on Instagram.
The ‘Boo of the Booless’ hitmaker posted the picture on Wednesday, showcasing the pair in traditional Igbo and Yoruba attire.
He captioned the photo: “When I wake in the morning, I thank God for you”.
However, it remains unclear whether the photo is a glimpse into Chike’s personal life or a promotional shot for an upcoming music video.
Comments like “Happy married life o,” “my man pls don’t break my heart oo,” and “omo see as my heart cut babe stop naw” flooded the singer’s page.
The development comes as a surprise, considering Chike’s previous admission that he has never told a woman “I love you”.
In a 2022 interview, the 31-year-old singer revealed that saying “I love you” makes him feel vulnerable.
Relationships
Meagan Good, Jonathan Majors are engaged
The Hollywood stars Meagan Good and Jonathan Majors are engaged.
The couple announced their engagement on Sunday at the 2024 Ebony Power 100 List event held at Nya Studios in Los Angeles.
Meagan showed off her engagement ring while the lovebirds posed for loved-up photos on the red carpet.
They also revealed why they chose the particular event to go public with their engagement.
“Ebony Power 100 is the event that we met at in the bathrooms, in the unisex bathroom,” Meagan said.
Good was married to DeVon Franklin, the US pastor and producer, from 2012 to 2021. She and Majors were first linked romantically in May 2023.
Earlier this year, Good opened up about how friends advised her about the scrutiny she could face by being with him. She also discussed how she has stood by him through his challenges.
Majors was found guilty of assault in the third degree and harassment in December 2023, following a March 2023 arrest in New York.
He was arrested after allegedly assaulting Grace Jabbari, his ex-girlfriend.
In April 2024, Majors was sentenced to one year of domestic violence counseling, which includes a 52-week, in-person program in Los Angeles. He was also required to continue mental health therapy and provide regular updates on his progress.
Also, the court issued a permanent protective order between Majors and Jabbari, with potential jail time for any violations of his sentencing terms.
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